Steam was surely shooting out my ears at this point. I could feel my face burning and my lip throbbing from biting down in order to keep from screaming. The anger and frustration I was feeling was beginning to take over and I knew if I didn’t get control over it I would explode. How did I learn to control my anger and frustration? Read below and find out!

       1. Breathe. Repeat.

Don’t react immediately. As soon as you feel the anger or frustration rising, stop. Turn away and inhale deeply. Feel the cool air slide down your throat and fill your lungs. Hold your breath for two seconds before slowing releasing the air. Repeat as needed until you feel the anger subside.

      2. Take a break

If you find that the breathing is not working, tell whomever you are talking to that you need to use the bathroom or need some air. Find an excuse to get away from the situation. Take a few minutes of solitude to not obsess about what just happened.

      3. Express yourself, calmly

When you do decide to respond to the person or persons, tell them calmly and clearly what you think and feel. Make sure that your statements are not offensive or aggressive. No one is going to listen to the hysterical person in the room. In fact, becoming angry will only make anything you say less valued by the listener/listeners.

      4. Write it out

If the anger and hostility stay with you all day, write it out. Write down what happened and how it made you feel. Be honest with your writing. No one else will ever read it unless you decide to share it. If you are worried about someone finding what you wrote, use code names. Once you write out what exactly bothered you and why, you will begin to feel better.

       5. Try some humor

If you can, try to find something funny about the situation. For example, once someone yelled at me at a restaurant I worked at because their fries were cold. Well I got angry because I don’t make the fries and I don’t feel your food before it comes out. Instead of exploding, I made a joke about cooling the fries down because she had commented on not liking hot (she meant spicy) food. The table laughed (not the woman) and that released the tension and she knew she couldn’t continue to harp on it because it was a small, petty thing to worry about.

     6. Retrain yourself

There is a technique that helps many people retrain their brain from allowing them to act on impulse. It’s snapping a rubber band on their wrist. When frustration turns to anger, snap the rubber band against your wrist. There is a slight sting. You mind will begin to respond by stopping the anger in order to not feel the sting of the rubber band. Gotta love classical conditioning!

     7. Fix what enrages you

Maybe walking by this guy who throws his trash on the ground while waiting for the bus, walk somewhere else. Yes, he should not litter but if you can’t cause real change with that situation, walk away from it. What is the point of putting yourself in a bad situation that you can’t help and only makes you frustrated?

     8. Ask yourself, ‘will this matter in a week?’

I love the idea that if something won’t matter in a week, let it go. It may sound ridiculous and that it won’t actually help. Once your mind realizes that whatever is making your angry doesn’t matter in the big picture, suddenly the weigh will lift and you won’t hold onto the anger anymore.

    9. Count down backwards from 100

If you can’t get away from the situation that is causing anger, like if you are in a meeting, count down from a large number. This causes your focus to shift. Counting down backwards takes focus and you will feel the anger disappear but only if you really commit to staying focused on the counting. When you notice the anger trying to creep back in while counting, go back up by ten numbers and start again.

    10. Seek professional help

It sounds daunting, I know, to say that you need help and that you are getting that help from a psychologist or psychiatrist but it will be worth it. These are professionals trained in all kinds of psychological problems and an anger issue is a psychological problem.

With these tips by your side, you can successfully ward off anger and frustration and keep your friends and co-workers from huddling in the corner when you walk in the room. Keep up the good work and if you want more help getting to where you want to be in life, contact Hazel for your complimentary 30-minute life coaching session!

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